Never keep your children as hostages of failed relationship, or use them as cannon fodder or as pawns for a marital war. Let their responsible or deadbeat fathers have guided access to their children if they desire so that they can have some felt presence in their lives, except you are in doubt of their fatherhood.
Mothers, especially, don’t be over possessive of your children after failed relationships or else you may be the final losers at the end of the day. This is because most children ultimately ask for their runaway fathers at certain period of their lives even against your wish and their (smart and shameless) dads can take advantage to tell his own stories and lies as victims. If their fathers have some little coins to dazzle them with entertainment spree & “buy, buy” Baba do good stuff for a short period, “overtake may overtake” (RIP Fela) your long years of stressful struggle to take care of them and educate them.
Many irresponsible men use such joker to cover lost ground in the lives of their children. And if care is not taken, you may be isolated and feel highly disappointed in your ungrateful children which may lead to your permanent regret and early grave.
Just tell your own stories and lies to your children of their irresponsible fathers as you are breeding and training them so hard, and let them make up their minds to hate and not, forgive their fathers or otherwise for life.
It’s painful truly for single mums to singlehandedly train their children abandoned by their mad and irresponsible run away fathers, but never train or insist that your children must inherit your anger and hatred against their fathers. Show love to your children always as single parents and never transfer to them your anger against their run away fathers. I however support full compensation for single mums whose ex husbands want to reclaim their “abandoned property” abandoned mostly at the critical stage of their lives. But let go, if you like.
I don’t think Iyabo Ojo is a kurukere kurukere religionist, but she has shown good example single motherhood in practical way to many kurukere kurukere religious single parents who engaged in a fight to finish marital war and keep their children as captives, canon fodder of war.
Does this piece applicable to single fathers with irresponsible mothers who also abandoned their children to their men as a result of failed relationships? YES.
Please note that I’m not giving an authoritative manual on how single parents especially single mums should behave in failed relationships and abandoned children scenario, because circumstances, personalities and environments may differ. I only gave some of the existing realities and possibilities as examplified by Iyabo Ojo.
Adeola Soetan
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