An Exploration of Single Mothers’ Unrelenting Labour and Challenges

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A Personal Account.

Reflecting on memories and the circumstance that led to the birth of her 17 years old son, Temitope, who resides in Ibadan, Oyo state, was glad that the only thing that came out of her pathetic love life is her son whom she loves and is glad to have.

The 34-year-old single mother works as a manual labourer in a research institution in Ibadan and when not employed, she does any legitimate job to fend for herself, her son, and her son’s education which she deems paramount.

Juggling the demand of raising a child in the present state of Nigeria as a single mother, fending for his education, and hoping to find love again, Temitope, who hails from Akoko, Ondo state, stated that the hope of seeing her son becoming great in life to the shame of the father that neglected them has kept her going.

Narrating how everything started to our correspondent, Temitope said she was 17 years old when an “area sister” caller Bukky, called her one afternoon and gave her a gift of her ex-lover, Ebenezer. Ebenezer claimed she loved her when his relationship with Bukky could not work. He showed an interest in Temitope and sent Bukky to tell her.

“At first, I was scared because I’ve never expected someone like Ebenezer to show interest in me. I told Bukky I was not going to do it and eventually I accepted after much persuasion from Bukky and Ebenezer.”

The relationship blossomed and Temitope fell head over heels with Ebenezer even when he started cheating on her 2 months later. Temitope became too trusting and careless and loved him.

Reflecting on it, she said “I’m a very lovable person, I fall in love too easily. When all hands and accusations were pointing at Ebenezer I chose to turn a deaf ear and unsee it because I loved him. With my hard earned money, I bought him a gift which I would later see with some girls, despite that I was undeterred. I loved him still and passionately. He was not my first, but I loved him. My first betrayed me and I decided to put all my strength into loving him.” She said laughing.

“Ebenezer was a few years older than I was but yet I loved him. So, I decided to travel to Ibadan to change the environment when all the harassment from Ebenezer’s girlfriend was too much for me to take. Two months after I got to Ibadan I learnt that I was with child. I was so happy and I danced for joy because I thought within me that I won. I was carrying Ebenezer’s child and I was happy. My mum and siblings were not in support of this and were very angry. I told my brother that I was staying with in Ibadan and that I was coming home to do something.”

“I was actually coming home to see Ebenezer and share my joy. As I alighted from the vehicle I boarded from Ibadan, I met my friends whom I told I was coming home and some persons cheering me and congratulating me that I was the sixth person impregnated by Ebenezer at that time. It was difficult for me to process that, so I ran home, laid on my bed and cried. My mum came and consoled and chastised me.”

Continuing, she said, “later in the evening, Ebenezer came to see me and gave me a sum of 3 thousand naira to abort the pregnancy just as he had given the remaining 5 girls the same amount to abort their pregnancy. My mum was furious, she collected the money and told me outrightly she was not going to accept that. She bought a few baby things with the money and helped me till I gave birth.”

Temitope recounted that not once did Ebenezer come to check on her during the pregnancy and after she gave birth to the boy. She said only one of the girls aborted her baby and the rest kept theirs and that Ebenezer is married to one of the girls.

“It was so tough for the baby and I. I suffered and the baby, too. Ebenezer was dragged to the hospital to check on me after I gave birth and was carried and held to witness the naming ceremony. The only thing I received from Ebenezer and his family from the birth of my son till date is a sum of 30 naira used in buying detergent on the day of the day of the naming ceremony. From then till now, Ebenezer has not checked on us. I became a single mother because of my trusting love.”

Single Mothers Statistics.

An Online source describes a single mother as a woman who is raising a child or children without the support of a spouse or partner. According to a 2018 report by the African Development Bank, single mothers in Nigeria face significant challenges, including limited access to education, healthcare, and employment opportunities. Many single mothers in Nigeria also lack social support and face environmental, social, and emotional stigma, which can exacerbate their vulnerability.

The prevalence of single motherhood is another social issue that looks subtle and minor but contributes greatly to the welfare and progress of Nigeria. The majority of homes in Nigeria are headed by single mothers.

According to a 2020 report by the United Nations, approximately 35% of households in Nigeria are headed by women, and many of these women are single mothers.

In addition to these, a 2019 report by the Nigerian National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) found that 63% of these single mothers in Nigeria have never been married, while 31% are divorced or separated. This social phenomenon is yet to be unraveled.

Social Discrimination Faced by A Single Mother.

A 35-year-old single mother, Mayorlove*, told our correspondent how the society treated her as a single mother taking care of her children after escaping from her husband due to domestic abuse.

Mayorlove* who hails from Ogbomosho, Oyo state said she has endured needless jokes and ridiculous comments from people, especially wives who think she is out to snatch their husbands.

“Socially, it’s draining. Society condemns me and everyone sees me as a whore because I’m alone fending for my children. I’ve heard some people say that I could not stay in my matrimonial home because I’m wayward.”

“The Financial Burden Is Not A Child’s Play.”

Temitope told our correspondent that the financial aspects are the most difficult.

“People with complete families are finding it difficult to eat and stay alive and sane in this country, let alone single mothers like me. Only my family rallies around when I’m in dire need. There’s no one anywhere to help. Some men will ask for ridiculous things before they can help you.”

Mayorlove* said, “Financially, it has been difficult for me and my 2 kids. There was a time I had to pack gutter sand to feed myself and kids. Only the father of my children’s father helped. And sometimes, I see people that like me or my children and help with no strings attached. Some guys will come and ask for sex assuming you’re vulnerable to anything simply because you’re single.”

Finding Love As A Single Mother.

Despite everything, Temitope still hopes to find love and a father figure for her 17-year-old son.

“When my son was 6 and I came back from Dubai, I went to Ebenezer and my family asked if we could come back. I was trying everything to give my son a father figure and not to have children for different men but it proved abortive. Ebenezer almost jilted me and I left him for good. I’ve met several men after him but they’re all the same. They tell lies just to sleep with you and eventually jilt you.”

With optimism, Temitope still hopes that someone will love her and her son and give her a sense of security.

Fear Of Child/Children Turning Bad As A Single Mother.

Raising children in this present country and world is no easy task.

Temitope said, “I have no fear of my child turning bad. I trained him well and he’s on his way to a higher institution next year. I will be proud of Jim and his father will be ashamed.”

Mayorlove* said, “it’s God that trains our children. Some children with complete families are still wayward. I’ll instill good values in them and they will repeat none of my mistakes.”

Emotional Baggage Of A Single Mother.

The stigma and discrimination faced by single mothers can not be undermined. They pass through a series of anger and bitterness in the society especially from women with husbands and these affect them emotionally.

Temitope said, “I almost committed suicide 3 times. I’m so tired of this. So many times I wet my bed with tears because there’s no help from anyone.”

Speaking with Purple world, Mayorlove* said, “So many times, I cry, especially on days when we don’t have food or I can’t afford to pay my children’s school fees.”

Single Mothers Should Rise And Give Themselves A Voice— Expert.

Speaking with Purple World, a behavioural therapist and counselor, Odege Dennis, said we need to understand what causes or where single motherhood generates from. He said whatever is the cause of single motherhood is not the correct thing and not the original plan. He said single motherhood has an adverse effect on the growth, career, and emotion of the victims.

He said single motherhood could have been avoided if women were more focused on achieving their goals, having a career, and being intentional about their lives. He also said that while some people became single mothers because of other reasons, some actually became single mothers because of wrong choices.

He said, “people should know that they are at the mercy or responsible for whatever choice they make. This is a matter of choice. Some people say love. Love is not blind.”

“Single mothers need to rise up and give themselves a voice. They should not succumb to what the society is dictating for them. They should not at any point agree to what the society is saying against them. They should rise up and own responsibility and also know that they can make their wrong choices right. When they do this they will rise and society will know that the person it is talking down on is actually up. Also, they should develop a sense of responsibility. There’s something called the psychology of the here and now. It means to understand what it is now. They should be realistic, accept the burden of single motherhood and rise up to do it. Start from where you’re and get up. The talk will reduce and forge ahead. This is not to say to encourage single motherhood. The pressure is high. Those that have the capacity should forge ahead and those that do not should seek the help of a therapist or counselor.”




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